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CHARLOTTE, NC—Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL, as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.
"I'm excited to be on the team!" said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injections. "After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me."
"It's a dream come true!"
Panthers coach Matt Rhule was not part of the decision-making process that brought Kaepernick into the cheerleading fold, but he is reportedly enthusiastic about the former quarterback's role on the squad.
"I think he'll be a great distraction when we lose games," he said, sighing wistfully. "And believe me, we're going to lose some games."
"I'm excited to be on the team!" said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injections. "After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me."
"It's a dream come true!"
Panthers coach Matt Rhule was not part of the decision-making process that brought Kaepernick into the cheerleading fold, but he is reportedly enthusiastic about the former quarterback's role on the squad.
"I think he'll be a great distraction when we lose games," he said, sighing wistfully. "And believe me, we're going to lose some games."
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